2chan Says the Darndest Things Vol. 19

Volume 19 of “2chan Says the Darndest Things”!


Things That Will Happen At Ohori Megumi’s Wedding

Noro gets sloppy drunk.

Akimoto Sayaka balling her eyes out.

Yuko gets drunk and starts stripping.

Ohori comes out in a gold bikini.

The people who aren’t invited are talked about.

Akimoto Yasushi’s joke gets a little bit of a laughter.

Togasaki appears in a tuxedo.

Ohori dives into powder from a slide.

Itano knocks over the wedding cake.

The MCs are Bad Boys.

The “Waiting Stage” is turned into “Wedding Stage” without any announcement.

Kasai is late.

Maeda Atsuko gets drunk.

Takahashi Minami is crying even before she leaves her house to go to the wedding.


Things That Akimoto Yasushi Googles

Lies that no one can figure out, tricks.

Sashihara, ex-boyfriend, address.

Akimoto Yasushi, approval rating.

ISSA, hair growth manufacturers.

Girls, feelings.


AKB, lyrics, mannerisms.

Bunshun, purchase.

Nakata Chisato, who.

Ratings, how to get higher ratings.

Nogizaka, uphill.

Marriage, age difference, Guinness.

Maeda, come back.

Shit song, but approved.

Mayuyu, Paruru, “is better”.

NMB, new stage.

Tax evasion, definition.

Lyrics, reproduction freedom.

Akimoto Yasushi, smart.

Akimoto Yasushi, ikemen.

Bunshun, editor, facebook.

Akimoto, lost weight.


A Day In the Life of Akimoto Yasushi

7:00 Gets out of bed.

7:02 Checks Jurina’s blog.

7:04 Checks Sashihara’s blog.

7:30-8:00 Sends Paruru a long text.

8:01 Sleeps.

8:05 Wakes up to the pressure of writing stage songs.

8:19 Calls Jurina.

8:21 Calls the usual acupuncturist.

8:30 Breakfast at McDonald’s.

8:31 Inspired. “I can’t say “I” love “you” to McDonald’s employee.”

8:34 Gets excited, order 3 Big Macs.

8:36 Eats it all in 2 minutes.

8:45 Meeting with Dentsu. Comes up with the next idea to create controversy.

9:00 Naps.

9:05 Gets a call from Togasaki.

10:00 Snack.

10:37 Receives a text from Kitagawa Kenji. Send a thoughtless reply.

10:45 Calls the gym to find out why Amina hasn’t lost weight.

10:50 All sizes of the french fries at McDonald’s are 150 yen so he orders all of the sizes.

10:51 Regretting buying small french fries.

11:00 Goes to TSUTAYA.

11:20 Cleans glasses.

11:25 He goes buy contact lenses to change his look.

11:30 He tells his wife how much he loves her.

11:50 Realizes that he hasn’t written any lyrics.

11:52 Cleans glasses.

11:55 Boots up the PC and starts to lurk on 2ch.

12:05 Makes a lottery for which team, unit, solo songs to start writing first.

13:00 Thinks about dieting but has two servings for lunch.

13:15 It wasn’t enough so he orders katsudon.

13:20 Sends a passionate text to Jurina but accidentally sends it to Togasaki.

13:30 Plays a prank on Togasaki. “We will shuffle theater managers. You will be the new SKE theater manager”.

14:00 Togasaki arrives at his house with tears in his eyes. Togasaki says, “Sensei, don’t throw me away!”

14:01 He grins.

14:03 Call Jurina (8th time today).

14:50 He realizes that he has a deadline.

15:10 Totally forget about the deadline and eats snacks. Checks Google+ and reminisces how fun Google+ was when it first started.

15:30 He finally gets a response from Paruru but the reply is just a simple, “yes” so he starts to cry.

15:35 He starts to get hungry so he checks for coupons for McDonald’s.

15:40 He goes to eat sukiyaki.

15:42 Runs into Amina. He tries to turn around but she saw him so he takes a seat. He pretends to not have made eye contact with Hirajima Natsumi who is working there.

16:50 He feels depressed so randomly throws away 200 million yen in the trash for fun.

16:53 He goes to eat a beef bowl.

16:55 Jurina gets kidnapped.

17:05 The kidnapper is a Jurina wota so he lets her go after a handshake.

17:40 Chapuchapu.

17:52 He weighs himself but pretends to not have seen the result. He weighs himself again with only one foot on the scale. He smiles in happiness while rubbing his stomach.

18:00 He tells Togasaki to gather people for Mahjong.

18:03 Receives a text.

From: Jurina

Subject: To dad

Body: I’m with my boyfriend. I’ll call you later.

18:05 Receives a text.

From: Yamamoto

Subject: Untitled

Body: Please work on the new stage^^

19:21 He suffers a stroke so he texts Jurina.

19:31 Stroke subsides after receiving a text from Togasaki saying he found people for Mahjong.

19:52 He feels lazy but writes stage songs.

19:54 Gets bored. “Hamasaki and Utada are probably bored so they should ghost write for me”.

20:00 “I’m done with work! Lets go drinking!” Goes to the AKBCafe.

21:33 Texts Jurina.

21:50 He tries to ask Jurina who her boyfriend is but fails. Hires Solid Snake to find out who the boyfriend is.

22:00 Takes off glasses. Plays with how he puts on and takes off his glasses.

22:02 A lens pops out.

22:21 Enters eye wear shop.

22:22 *Nom nom* “Do you have the glasses that Jurina likes?”

23:23 Employee brings out Tamori style sunglasses.

00:05 He goes out to run. Runs into Mariko. He then texts Togasaki about how fans are saying Shimada gained weight. “The fans are right. She’s a professional idol, she needs to lose weight”.

00:06 Gets a response form Togasaki. “You too”.

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