Speaking of Virginity…

Idols are basically selling a one-sided relationship to us. We’re all aware of this fact but a lot of people criticize the fandom for this reason. Many might argue that it is hurting our drive to pursue an actual romantic relationship. This post ties into this ANN we had about relationships as an idol fan.


Due to society’s gender roles, men are often expected to be successful in the romantic sense. You always hear on TV or in movies about the importance of romantic success. Idol fandom goes against this trend. The genre encourages us to support girls we have no chance of actually dating. So, is it causing fans to care less about actual human relationships?

Well, there really isn’t an all-encompassing answer to this. The only way I can really hope to provide commentary on this is if I ask myself how have my views on relationships changed ever since I became a fan. They have changed, but I don’t think it’s necessarily due to being into idols.

In high school, I really wanted to get into a relationship like most people at that age. I’m a really quiet guy in person so it didn’t work out very well. But what’s important is that I was an idol fan during the latter half of high school. My fandom didn’t really do much to discourage me though. I was still interested in getting a girlfriend. However, I did start to change my mindset towards the end of high school; thinking that I didn’t really have the time, money or even the patience for a relationship. Was this because I was an idol fan? I really don’t think so. It was just me getting older.

Ultimately it depends on the person. In the end, as long as you keep it a hobby, it’s not going to get in the way of your life.  The members of our favorite groups seem to be better than real girls but most of us know they’re selling a fantasy. Even if their personalities aren’t faked, we can never date them. I believe that if you have your head in the right place, you’ll know this.

My answer to the question, “Do idols make you less willing to pursue relationships?” is that it is up to the person in question. While it is easy to put the blame on the person’s willingness to crush over their oshimen, I believe that a person who’s single due to his fandom would have been single regardless. It’s the same with any hobby. A person who says “2D > 3D” or one who would rather game than go on a date would have avoided romantic relationships regardless of their interests and we shouldn’t think any less of them for that reason. People care a bit too much about whether a person is dating or not when it’s really important to understand yourself first.

So, what do you guys think? This is a really personal subject so my opinions may differ from others. Do you think your fandom gets in the way of you pursuing romantic relationships? Leave your answers in the comments!

About NSK

New School Kaidan is a community-focused website for the Japanese idol industry international fan base. Between podcasts, broadcasts, events, and analytic articles, New School Kaidan aims to bring an understanding of idol culture to the masses.

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  1. As a student still in high school, I find that I’m not overly ‘cockblocked’ by my dedication to idols, although I am still somewhat new to the idol game. I figure it this way: If girls are allowed to fantasize and dream and follow guys like the members of One Direction or other boy bands (THEIR idols) as obsessively as we do with OUR idols, why should it stop us from doing the same and having normal relationships? Although our fandom may have more depth to it than being a fan of a member of a boyband would, I think it’s up to the person themselves whether or not they’re up for a relationship. This is a really personal matter that every one of us has to answer if we choose to become invested in idols

  2. Hmm, I wonder how the fangirls’ lives are with idols…..

  3. In my case, I can go on dates girls yet be an idol fan. The idol fandom I see as a hobby that I love being apart of, but I also enjoy talking and going out with females in real life (Although, I have 0% interest in being in a relationship).

    It doesn’t matter what your reasoning for going into the idol fandom is, just keep it healthy. From my experience being in forums, there does existence those who actually see these girls as girlfriends and become intensely emotionally entangled with idols. Not even acknowledging that this is a business. Even to the point of compromising paying their bills with buying goods. I become sad when I see this

  4. (Is this only for dudes, can I say something despite being a fangirl?)

    In terms of idol fandom getting in the way of me pursuing a romantic or any kind of relationship? No though I’m not really looking for a relationship but I have made plenty of friends and tried to keep in touch with some old ones despite clashing schedules with life and school.

    Just because I have this certain attachment to some idols and my oshimen, I’m not gonna completely shut myself off from the real world, hey are just people who we happen to love (in different ways) but it’s from a distance and that distance needs to be respected because despite following them as closely as you can, you don’t really know them at all.

    I know plenty of people who have had or having committed relationships despite being in the idol fandom, it’s a matter of separating the fantasy from the reality because while you may say you love them, you’re not really IN love with them.

    (Me not getting a girlfriend is a matter of the fact that I think I don’t stand out or seem all the great from what I guess; just crush-worthy, the end…)

  5. I discovered Idols around the same time I started dating my wife. I cant quite place how it all works out, but I listen to the CD’s in the car and whilst trying to sleep (we live in a noisy neighbourhood), have the DVDs on in the background while I work and while she’s far from a fan, she hasn’t ever tried to stop me from watching or listening.

    I don’t believe it has affected our relationship, but how far I can go while still listening or watching with her blessing ultimately depends on how I let it affect me. Luckily she considers it no more bizarre than the rest of my musical tastes.

    I do hope she doesn’t find some of the photos I have saved on my computer, which could insinuate something more committed than another pop group I like.

  6. If there are girls who are obsessed with Twilight and the main guys that are in the series and still able to have a relationship, then I dont see why if you are an idol fan it should hinder you from being with someone.

  7. Hmm, I would say that what you said about not being in a relationship because of his fandom and just being single could well be one and the same.

    It’s also that individual’s choice, but I can’t see most guys ‘saving’ themselves for their dream idols(sure there are a few), they all want to have their own relationships as well.

    With all things in relationships it’s finding that middle ground, it’s not sacrificing too much of what you love and enjoy but also knowing that you also have that girlfriend there as well, in simpler terms, you just need that understanding that though you follow and support these girls, perhaps the one you are dating (or indeed married to) is your true Oshi……..

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