Admitting that you’re an idol fan is a challenge for some people like myself. It is hard to tell someone that you’re into girl pop groups, a lot of which feature teenage girls. I honestly would have a tough time admitting that, especially to those that aren’t as open-minded as you’d hope them to be.
I guess you can call me a closet idol fan. The only people that know that I’m an idol fan are my closest friends, my idol bros and my family members. I am at an age where I don’t really have people over my house all the time. My place is small and not ideal for friends to come over and have a good time (my room is the size of one of them tiny Japanese apartments).
Here are the pictures of my room.
As you can see, it is not very big but plastered with idol posters for the most part. Now, the funniest thing is that I actually do not like having strangers in my house because of this. With friends, I’ve explained what it was all about and they asked questions and may have judged me without my presence but the responses have not been negative at all.
Lets say for example that I need cable installed for internet and a Comcast tech needs to come to my house. The first thing I do is confirm the time of the appointment. After that, I proceed to remove all the posters from my wall. Why is a lazy man like myself taking all this effort to take down some idol posters. Well, the only answer I can give you is that I guess I am kind of ashamed of my hobby. I know, it’s a terrible thing to say but I really can’t put it any other way. Would I do the same thing if I lived in Japan? Maybe but I know that this hobby of mine would be somewhat understood by people over there. My closest friends who know about my fandom happen to be into anime, manga, video games, and have an interest in Japanese culture itself. I think I will certainly have a much harder time explaining this fandom to people who are totally oblivious to Japanese culture or people who think dudes listening to girl groups is not “manly” or “dudebro”.
I had a situation happen where a co-worker took a peek at my iPod. I have an older iPod that actually shows a slideshow of CD covers when the iPod isn’t playing any songs. My co-workers actually saw the covers of idol CDs and said, “Who are these Asian girls?” while looking at this cover of “Pareo wa Emerald”.
My response was, “They’re a girl group from Japan”. Did I need to explain who they were and what kind of pop group they were? No, absolutely not but I certainly felt a little bit like I got caught with my hand in the cookie jar. It’s a weird feeling to explain. After that incident, I thought about what my co-workers could be thinking about me. “I didn’t know he was into young Asian girls”, etc. This incident has not come up since and it was never really an incident in the first place. It is just my overly sensitive self worrying about dumb shit. If they did inquire further, I may have gotten defensive and I’m not sure how I would have responded to further questioning.
Some of you are thinking, “Yoshi, who the fuck cares? If they want to judge you, let them”. I wish it was that easy. I’ve always been a self-conscious person and being into this idol fandom certainly does not help me feel more confident about putting myself out there. As a guy who hides his cards to most people, opening up is a daunting task.
Just a heads up to those of you reading this. You would be in on my “deepest, darkest secret” that I keep from co-workers, casual acquaintances, etc. It is crazy to think that I keep this a secret from people I talk to daily but here I am putting myself out there on the internet of all places. The good people in this fandom give me hope that one day, I won’t be afraid to be open about my fandom.
I’d like to hear how you guys deal with your fandom and how open you are with it.
Those of you here to ridicule me, go ahead and do so, if it makes you feel better. Thanks for reading.