2chan Says the Darndest Things Vol. 4

Volume 4 of “2chan Says the Darndest Things”! The second part will feature SKE48!

 

Vol 4-What members do you want sitting next to you at school?

She’s not my oshimen but I want to sit next to Yukirin.

Akicha. I’m not a fan of her visually but if I talked to her, I’ll fall in love.

Yamamoto Sayaka. I want her to let me copy her homework.

I want to be friends with Shimada.

Probably Masuda. You would be able to see through her blouse and see her bra in the summertime.

Kojima Haruna because I would just stare at her all day.

To my left: Itano Tomomi
To my right: Oshima Yuko
In front of me: Kojima Haruna
Behind me: Shinoda Mariko
There’s no way I would be able to sit tight lol

To my left: Myao
To my right: Harucan
In front of me: Harugon
Behind me: Kuwabara Mizuki
There’s no way you can stay calm lol

Suzuran. I want to joke around with her and get yelled at by the teacher.

If I forget my textbook, I want to share a book with Yukirin.
Yukirin: Geez, you forgot your textbook again?
Me: My bad.
Yukirin: Fine, lets put our desks together.

I want to sit diagonally behind Kojima. You get to see her fight sleep on a warm afternoon with the sun shining into the classroom. You get to stare at her long, flowing hair. I also want to see her take notes carefully. Then if she asks the dude next to her a question about a problem, I get jealous.

She’s not my oshimen but I want Suzuran. I want the teacher to make us stand outside the classroom together.

Yuria because she seems forgetful. We can share textbooks and I can lend her my eraser. Then you can whisper her an answer that she couldn’t figure out and then afterwards, she smiles and says, “thanks for your help.”

If they’re too cute, I won’t be able to talk to them so I’ll go with Sashihara.

Me       Me      Me
Me   Kojima  Me
Me       Me      Me

Yukirin: Why are you eating your lunch from home so early?
Me: I’m eating cafeteria food for lunch.
Yukirin: That’s a waste! I’m on a diet so you can eat my lunch.
Me: Seriously!?
Yukirin: Yeah, I would feel bad for my mom if no one ate it.
Me: Awesome! Thanks! Itadakima…
Me: What is this?
Yukirin: It’s banana mayonaise bread! It’s delicious but high in calories.

If I could sit next to Paruru, Yuihan, Yukirin, and Kojima, I’d go to school everyday.

If I’m going to sit next to someone, I want to sit next to a person who I can talk to. Miyazawa or Akimoto would be nice. I don’t think I’d be able to look at Kojiharu in the eyes.

Front to back: Sakiko(167.5cm)->Shinoda(168cm)->Iguchi Shiori(174cm)->Suzuki Shihori(170cm)->Me(160cm)
I can’t see the blackboard.

I want Kojima in front of me and Shinoda next to me.
I can whisper and socialize with Shinoda during class and have fun. We can have fun making fun of Kojima because Shinoda is friends with her.

Why is no one bringing up Acchan?
-The best way to enjoy Acchan is by watching her sleep from afar.

My ideal seating formation:
Masuda Oshima Kojima
Kikuchi     Me      Kuramochi
Takayanagi Kitahara Fujie
Basically, I picked members that I like from a visual stand point. The front row is in the charge of the chest. The girls next to me are girls I would like to marry or have as a girlfriend based on looks. The girls behind me are girls I want as little sisters. The people in front and behind are in charge of having fun. I can make weird faces with Oshima and then do manzai with Kitahara.

I think it would be fun to become friends with Yuko. Takamina will come off as a serious class representative but when you talk to her, she’s actually really funny.

I want to sit next to Nakamata. She can give me answers.

Me: Kojima-san, good morning.
Kojima: Shut up.
Me: Shinoda-san, good morning.
Shinoda: Huh?
Me: Shimazaki-san, good morning.
Shimazaki: …
Am I the only one that thinks that would happen? <-You should oshihen to Suda Akari.

I’ll purposely forget to bring a mechanical pencil.
Me: I forgot my mechanical pencil again. Kashiwagi, can I borrow yours?
Kashiwagi: Sure but I don’t have that much lead.
Me: It’s cool, thanks…
Shimada sitting behind me: Hey, I’ll lend you mine!
Me: Huh?
Shimada: It’s cool! Just buy me curry for lunch!
Me: SHIMADA, SHUT UP!

 

Part 2-If they released “SKE1/48 If You Fall In Love with an Idol in Sakae”

 

Deguchi Aki sexually harasses other members.

Every time when you are about to confess to your favorite member, you get fished by Suda out of nowhere.

Hata-mode is in another dimension.

All dates with Oya Masana are at a buffet.

You have no idea what Kaneko Shiori is saying.

After a date with another member, Yagami waits for you and attacks you with, “nyahaan” until you agree to go on a date with her the next day.

Manatsu: When you say, “NNNNNN” you have to hold it for minute.

Kimoto: You lolicon!

 

You’re on a date with Nakanishi and then Kitahara, Sashihara, Oya, and Komori show up for some reason.

Most of your dates end up at animate.

If you reject Takada during the final confession, her older sister comes out at the end and slaps you(Takada’s older sister was original Team K).

Most of the dates with Yakata will just be her telling you jokes.

When Rena is about to confess, Furukawa comes along.

Watch soccer with Kimoto Kanon.

Sometimes Yuasa the theater manager asks you out.

You see one of the members flirting with another guy. Turns out to be Nakanishi Yuka.

You go on a date with Furukawa to Comic Market and the two of you run into her brother.

Matsumura Kaori confesses to you on her google+ video show, “Ichi Komeda”.

For some reason Goto Risako and Mukaida Manatsu are switched in the middle of the game.

If you date Jurina, you get stabbed by Yasusu.

Takayanagi wears interesting clothes on dates.

Sato Seira is constantly wearing a bathing suit.

Sawako confesses -> You reject -> “YOU SHALL DIE!”

 

If you reject Yuria, you get a Thai kick to the ass.
Yuria: Did that hurt? My heart hurts hundreds of times worse.”

If you go to the Shizuoka prefecture with Yuria, she asks if you have your passport.

If you dump Matsumoto Rina, you get water thrown at your face.

If you go on a date with Furukawa Airi, she shows you DVDs of bugs fighting, play zombie video games, and then she lectures you about school uniforms.

You can’t hold a real conversation with Yuria.

You leave a speck of rice on your plate and then Suda Akari yells at you.

Me: Yuria, when is your birthday?
Yuria: Christmas!
Me: It’s in December?
Yuria: Nope, in February!
Me: Why Christmas?
Yuria: Because it’s Christmas season!
Me: …

You reject Rena -> Gekikara initiated -> You get your ass kicked -> “You mad?”

The choices for when Kuwabara Mizuki confesses to you:
A. Accept
B. Play dead

If you hit “X” in the game, Suda says, “Huh? I can’t hear you!” forever and you doesn’t give you the option to reject her.

 

 

 

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3 comments

  1. I want Yuko to sit next to me. Together, we raise all kinds of hell in the classroom! The teacher will want to retire quickly.

    ” If you date Jurina, you get stabbed by Yasusu.” LMFAO xD Yasusu isza G

  2. A few of these stuck out to me:

    “Probably Masuda. You would be able to see through her blouse and see her bra in the summertime.”

    This guy knows what’s up. ;)

    “If they’re too cute, I won’t be able to talk to them so I’ll go with Sashihara.”

    >implying that Sashihara is not cute
    >ಠ_ಠ

    “If I forget my textbook, I want to share a book with Yukirin.
    Yukirin: Geez, you forgot your textbook again?
    Me: My bad.
    Yukirin: Fine, lets put our desks together.”

    HNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG

    “If you go to the Shizuoka prefecture with Yuria, she asks if you have your passport”

    HAHAHAHHAHAHA

    “If you hit “X” in the game, Suda says, “Huh? I can’t hear you!” forever and you doesn’t give you the option to reject her.”

    AND WHY WOULD YOU EVEN REJECT SUDA?!

    I love this stuff! I wish I could read it myself but your articles are really helpful since I can’t. 2channers are absolutely hilarious.

  3. lol who wouldn’t want to sit next to Kashiwagi at school? KASHIWAGI FOR PRESIDENT!

    The best way to enjoy Acchan is watch her sleep from afar – I lol’d

    I can’t get enough of that Kimoto Kanon video. EVERYBODY LOVES NON!

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