2chan Says the Darndest Things Vol. 2

Welcome to the second installment of “2chan Says the Darndest Things”!

 

Part I: What 2chan thinks should happen to AKB to make AKB even better.

Huge graduation.

Ignore popularity of the members and pick senbatsu based on how the member fits the theme of the song.

A temporary shuffle of all AKS groups(this was posted before the Matsui Jurina and Watanabe Miyuki announcement).

Send Kitahara Rie and Komori Mika to SKE48. Send Masuda Yuka and Yokoyama Yui to NMB48. Send Shinoda Mariko and Umeda Ayaka to HKT48.

Hire an outside lyricist and concentrate on theater shows.

Make each AKB48 single feature a team. The lower-tier members get a chance to shine.

They should start singing live at the theater and other live performances.

Don’t let them dye their hair. Piercings and flashy nails should be banned.

A prediction for SSA surprise announcement. First and second generation members in the Kami 7 have to sit out the elections. A race for first between, Kashiwagi Yuki, Watanabe Mayu, Sashihara Rino, Matsui Rena, Matsui Jurina(posted before SSA).

Create more units within the AKS agency. Form sub-units across AKB, SKE, HKT within AKS. It help shed light on SKE and HKT.

Make a CD with the light music club.

Use the anime, “AKB0048” as a marketing tool to market the group outside Japan.

Send Yamada Nana to perform with Team K(posted before SSA announcement)

They should send young members from AKB and send them to train under SKE and NMB. Train their dancing under SKE and learn to MC and be humorous with NMB.

Graduate members faster and rotate the members. The longest tenure should not last longer than 4 years.

Move to a theater without pillars that can fit 500 people. Scrap the team concept. Anyone over the age of 21 and have bad election rankings will be forced to graduate. Make Sapporo 48. Anyone over the age of 25 can date. Start a soccer world cup tournament between all the sister groups. Make someone from AKB an announcer on TV. Hold a head butting event with Fresh Lemon. Do more extreme candid camera stuff.

Make a senbatsu for JPN48. No theater performances. Only a few handshake events a year. Concentrate on outside ventures and concert tours.

“AKB should change the format of their auditions. I don’t feel any impact when I’m watching Team 4 or research students. It’s ironic that SKE and NMB have all the young talent.”

Perform an entire concert live.

 

Part II: Things That Happen to New Fans

Huh? Matsui Jurina and Rena aren’t sisters?

Tiger! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Jya Jya!

Huh? Takamina on the right? Yuko on the left? Huh? That’s backwards? This is confusing!

You can’t tell the difference between Nito and Moeno.

Akimoto Sayaka isn’t Yasusu’s daughter?

You watch videos of old Team K and you start crying even with no memory of old Team K.

What’s DD? Donald Duck?

You look at other otakus and think, I won’t end up like them. But in 6 months you end up being one of them.

You watch all of, “Soujiki Shougi”.

You slowly start to realize how awesome Takamina is.

Oh, theater songs are nice -> Huh? B-sides are good too -> Let me collect all AKB related songs -> You find out there are 600+ songs, and fall into despair.

You believe that at least one member would share the same birthday as you.

You are shocked to find out Nakagawa Haruka’s age.

Judge Itano Tomomi based on looks. Then find out what she is really about.

You lose sleep.

The members you first thought weren’t cute start to look cute.

You can’t tell the difference between Iwasa and Fujie.

“I won’t be able to memorize all the names. I’ll just memorize my oshimen’s.” 6 months later, you can name all of them so easily that people are taken back.

You don’t understand Amina.

You think all SDN members are AKB graduates.

You’re not Christian but you talk about angels and god.

You regret not becoming a wota sooner.

You are totally surprised by Jurina’s age.

You don’t know who tgsk is.

You can’t tell the difference between research students and under girls.

 

That wraps up the second edition! Thank you for reading!

-Anthony

 

 

 

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10 comments

  1. this is awesome XDDDDDD thx for the translations

  2. Part I
    Some aren’t completely bad. Most makes me wanna say “STFU u pack of trolling gremlin-monkeys”

    Part II:
    クソワロタwwwww

    Ok, when referring to David as a DD, just call him a “Donald Duck.” Lolsz
    “David, your such a Donald Duck!” Hahaha xD

  3. These points described my thoughts perfectly when I started out:

    -Tiger! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Jya Jya!

    -The members you first thought weren’t cute start to look cute.

    -You can’t tell the difference between Iwasa and Fujie.

    -“I won’t be able to memorize all the names. I’ll just memorize my oshimen’s.” 6 months later, you can name all of them so easily that people are taken back.

  4. “Tiger! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Jya Jya!”

    Even now in Singapore concerts I still hear some fans shouting
    “Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Jya Jya!”
    LOOOOOL

  5. Some of the statements in part 1 were almost prophetic.

  6. Tiger! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! Jya Jya!

    100% true

  7. “Piercings and flashy nails should be banned.” Why do I find this one so funny?
    “You are shocked to find out Nakagawa Haruka’s age.” So true.
    Thanks for these, they are hilarious.

  8. I mean it doesn’t mean that you have some problem when say the chanmix wrong but in some certain parts of the song. You have to say the second chant you remeber. Tora hi saju ni…… I eve don’t really remeber. I am learning to naturally yell the first chant: TIGER, FIRE, CYBER, FIBER, DIVER, VIBER, JYAA JYA. But some times I says Tiger Fire Fighter Cyber diber fiber viber . Lol. Just learn man but that one if you say it wrong you just say fire fire fire but the second chance you should learn sometimes

  9. That list of new fan stuff was pretty hilarious and can translate into becoming a fan of just about any idol group in general. The one that relates to me most is not understanding chants at concerts and also looking at the serious Otaku and thinking “oh i’m just a general fan i won’t be like those crazy people!” and then i end up just as crazy and obsessed and spend a crapload of money on idol stuff XD

  10. You’re not Christian but you talk about angels and god.
    lawl

    You can’t tell the difference between Iwasa and Fujie.
    this, but with kitarie and sasshi

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